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Jokes

A Page of Tax Jokes

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Nothing on this page is to be taken seriously, it's just for fun. If some of the humor is not politically correct enough for the reader, then please do not read this page. If you have any new fun stories or funny jokes you would like to add to this page, please email the humor to us. We especially like accounting and tax jokes and you will not hurt our feelings, for sure. Thanks, and we hope you enjoy this irreverent view of the world. ;-)

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An accountant tries horseback riding:

Yesterday I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it.

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People who complain about paying their taxes can be divided into two types: Men and Women.

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I am involved in a big dispute with the IRS. I say my car should be 100% deductible, they say 50%. I use the front seat for business and the back seat for entertainment.

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Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

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When your ship comes in, it's always docked by the Government.

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The government tax office employee was surprised to receive a letter which read, "Dear Person, Last year I cheated on my tax and I can't sleep for thinking about it. I am therefore enclosing a check for $2,000. If I find that I still can't sleep, I'll send you the balance."

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I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. [Arthur Godfrey]

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You've got to hand it to the tax collector. If you don't, he'll come and get it.

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A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn't have to take a civil service examination. [Ronald Reagan]

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Q: How do you drive an accountant absolutely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, and fold a road map up wrong in front of him.

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Four accountants walk into a bar, and each orders a beer. They raise their glasses and make a toast: "Here's to 59!" After downing their beers, they order another round and make the same toast: "Here's to 59!"

This happens again and again. Finally, the bartender asks the accountants what the significance of the toast is. "Well," said one of them, "we put a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle together in just 59 days!"

"And that's a big deal?" asked the barkeep.

"You bet," said the same accountant, "the box said 4 to 8 YEARS!!!"

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Accountants aren't boring people, we just get excited over boring things.

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Q: How can you tell if an actuary that you are having a meeting with is extroverted?

A: He spends the whole time staring at your shoes instead of his own.

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